Going to school or participating in activities gives your child many new and exciting experiences that you, as a parent, can’t wait to hear about. Especially in these school-age years, it is important to connect with your child about what is going on in their life, their interests, and how they feel.
“Positive attention and connectedness are hallmarks of a good parent-child relationship. Checking in on a daily basis shows your kids you are available for them and interested,” says Stevie Puckett-Perez, Ph.D., a licensed pediatric psychologist at Children’s Health℠ and Assistant Professor at UT Southwestern.
Talking with your child about the school day shows you’re interested in what’s going on in their life. This interest boosts your child’s mental health, happiness, and well-being. It can also have a very positive effect on your child’s behavior and achievement.
But sometimes, getting your child to talk about their day can be a challenge. Generally, children need to be in a place of comfort and feel ready, open, and interested before they can have a good conversation, share meaningful information, and connect. For example, children may need time to process the details of the day as they shift into “home mode” after school.
It’s important to remember, too, that kids don’t often conceptualize their day as a whole. Instead, they remember exciting things that happened in the last few hours. As a result, asking broad questions like, “How was your day?” may feel challenging to answer.
How to Get Your Children to Share About Their Day?
- Ask your child specific questions about their day
When you and your children are ready to have a conversation, ask specific and engaging questions openly. Avoid asking rapid-fire questions. These can feel like an interrogation, overwhelming your children and shutting down their ability to communicate.
Questions to ask your kids after school can include:
– Did you get any compliments today? Did you give any compliments today?
– If you could trade lunches with someone, who would you trade with?
– If you could switch places with someone in your class, who would you switch with?
– Is there anything from your day that you want some help with?
– Was anything annoying?
– What made you smile today?
– What was something funny that happened?
– What was the easiest thing you did today?
– What was the hardest thing you did today?
– What was the most fun today?
– When did you feel most bored?
– When did you feel most wiggly today?
– Who brought the best snack today?
– Who did you play with today?
– Who was kind to you today? Who were you kind to?
– What did you do during PE class? - Start by talking about your day
Children will be more likely to open up to us if we open up to them, too. Start a casual conversation with your child by telling them how your day went. Getting as specific about the details as possible will help. You can tell them simple things like you forgot your coffee or your favorite pen broke. - Be an active listener
Nothing can shut down a conversation faster than an unengaged participant. Listen with interest and attention when your children share something about their day. Show your children you are engaged through your body language, facial expressions, and tone. Respond with non-threatening follow-up questions. Reinforce positive behaviors when they share (e.g., “It was cool to hear about how your presentation went. I enjoyed knowing more about what it was like!”).
Taking a different approach to after-school questions rather than asking “How was your day?” can open up a lot of important conversations and help us reconnect with our children after school. However, remember that every child is different, and while one method might work well for one child, it might not work at all for another.
by. SIlvia Irene
Source:
Children’s Health. 2023. How to ask your kids about their day.
Wisner, Wendy. 2022. The Best Questions to Ask Your Kids About Their Day at School.
